O Shucks

Sorry about my last blog being ultra long and that's just half of the whole Pate bullshit, but its cool i ain't bitter ha ha.

I figure i write on what i did today,since i leave Los Cabos Thursday Danny and Tiff took me to this place tourist don't know about  a small town call the Beer Kegs and were going stay in a very nice resort for 3 days, but one of our friends his name is Cesar from Spain came with us nicest person in the world super layed back, doesn't have a care in the world, and whenever they informed he was Bipolar i was Shocked! ,because i figure Bipolar people were always pissy,cranky. I realized that being bipolar is just not being OK and then being piss off the next second,Its a super scary thing. Cesar forgot to take his regular pill and was acting like he was out of it the whole day, took him minutes to respond to you, and i felt so bad because i should had know there was something wrong with him, i made him go kayaking in the Pacific ocean with me,,, so lucky he didn't get a panic attack, or his brain just stopped working,Tiff told me when its really bad, his like a mummy he doesn't respond to anything or move. We were going stay tonight but decided to come back because Cesar wasn't feeling well .He kept apologizing for ruing my last days in Los Cabos so he wanted me to have his broken shades so, and whenever he did this i got that really strong feeling you get in your throat when you watch a sad movie,, So i said Broskie,Braw,Bromontana its not about me having fun for a few days, we're all worry about your health i would pick to go back 100 times more then stay here and watch you in pain, and i told him i wouldn't accept his shades unless he accepted my cowboy hat i had brought with me from grandfather's ranch, and he did. His a Great Guy Hope He gets to feeling better

Goodbye Cabo

So my two months of winter vacation have finally come to an end.I have been here in Los Cabo beautiful place staying with some really great friends Danny and Tiff.

Tiff and Danny are extremely smart people not your average couple but that's what makes them stand above all the other couples.

they also know about me, only 5 people in my life know about me. Every time I came out to this 5 individuals I was super drunk, that's the only way I could build up the courage/strength and once I did tell them that's when the waterworks would start, have never told someone I was gay sober, and I have no idea when I will have the courage to do that.Main reason I came out to this people is not because I wanted to be a step closer to being out of the closet, but because I truly honestly cared for this people and consider them my best friends for life and I felt that them not knowing that I was gay was them knowing a fake version of me which was driving me nuts and plus me telling someone that I am gay is deff the biggest compliment i can give someone because I am sharing something with them that I have had hidden for 21 years and more to come...

Los Cabo has been a great place to get away from the big city life its super calm and the beach is great and its never cloudy, but you deff don't want to be here if your single because all you see are couples double barf. Los Cabos has a very small population of gays which sucked for me because I couldn't meet anyone on the Down low as myself to hook up,which I am not always trying to hook up but come on I'm a 21 year old guy I get super horny sometimes its out of  my control! So this lead me to use Stank Ass Manhunt ,I really hate it since the only reason people use it is to have sex, now I know I just said I get super horny and want to have sex but not in the slutty way manhunt is used for I would like to meet a great looking guy n hang some and then smoosh(sex) for anyone who hasn't used manhunt don't its a waste of time just horny 50 year olds that want to bang hot guys, i' ve had money offer before , that's how crazy it gets... but I did manage to find this OK looking guy nothing special great body in fact his body was in better shape then mine and i am pretty proud to say I have good body also,but yeah  don't get me wrong I love guys with great bodies but that ain't everything personality/face, hate how alot of guys now days think that just because they got muscles they can get who ever they want,,,,, Negative you juice monkeys .. sorry I got off track so anyways me in this guy start to web cam for a good while and then he ask me if I had ever jerked off on a web cam,, and of course I have me and this guy from back home also in the closet use to do it all the time.So we start grabbing ourselves  in front of the web cam  and everything goes good, funny thing is that no matter if there either beside you on the bed or on web cam after the sex and you just ain't interested you skit skat out of there ,so i nicely told the guy I had to go meet up with some friends and I was running late, the guy felt bad and so did I ,but i told him it was just a one night web cam thing.

later on that night I went to this bar call the Pub where some friends I had made where there waiting for me ended up geting super wasted and spent about an hour talking to the lead singer of the band super hot reminded me alot of James Franco but straight named Lukas which I don't think he was 100% straight I asked him if he could play Don't Stop Believing  by Journey he told me they already played it but promise me next time I came to watch him play  he would play it for me,,,lets fast forward to this pass

Thursday I arrive at the Bar first thing that happens is that we make eye contact while his on stage playing no lie 2 minutes later he started playing Don't stop Believing by Journey for a split second I thought OK this guy is hardcore into me , but then I thought pointless though cause I leave in a few days to risky also since i was there with some friends that know nothing about me in the closet, so I smiled at him as a thank you for playing my song and decided not pursue it , because one thing with closeted gay guys or straight guys is that we're always on 50/50 thing if we should ever try to flirt or hit on someone because of all we have to lose and how dangerous it is.

Hello

Hello To anyone who happens to find my Blog, have decided to  start blogging as a way to release all this energy and pressure I have built up inside of me , deff not the writing type not the best speller either and deff not someone who you would meet and guess I would have a blog.Some information about myself  I'm 21 years old played basketball,favorite sport and high school but also took ,art classes,,was in choir, and started in two plays while in high school,did all this activities while still super busy with school/social life, I was just trying to make sure my parents were proud of me because i had this weird theory in high school that maybe if they have tons of things to be proud of me, then whenever I do come out to them in the future then they won't be as pissed, Being a closeted gay person takes so much strength , i am totally happy for the people that are out , but not all of us can be out . the only think i knew in school was that if I stayed super busy or either drunk all the time they were a  perfect way to not think about my sexual feelings towards boys.

Right now in my life I am in a private university in one of the world's biggest city plus population of the world studying International Business trying to figure myself out .

Social Life super great if  I were truly a straight guy have tons of straight friends, girls love me and I can tell if I just asked them they totally let me fucked them, but come on I'm hardcore into MEN,have had a few hook ups with guys in the same boat as me ,So hopefully I will have people that will follow me and help me through this journey by letting me spill my guts here , like we say in the dirty south Get R Done!!!!!

p.s.feel free to write me at smalltownboybigcity@gmail.com right now I'm in vacation in Los Cabo have some free time before I have to go back to school.