Brokeback Mountain

Of all the gay things out there in the media, gay actors, gay shows, gay music, gay everything. I know for a lot of my peers those things may have helped them out, but for me the movie is really what has spoken to me the most. The movie Brokeback Mountain is what I feel gets me the most. I am from a southern state where cowboys and farms and ignorant red necks are what the norm is. My dad was raised in a farm his how life, my mom super religious, whenever I saw this movie , I thought to myself wow is this how my life is going be , me marrying a woman having kids, living a double life and never being happy! For a while I aint going lie, I thought my life was going be exactly like Brokeback Mountain, but my urge of wanting to get out of the small town life and new experiences and not giving up has brought me to this great city I live now.

In a perfect world I could mix my southern pride/gay lifestyle together and nothing be wrong , but  of course life has just made that impossible, watching Brokeback Mountain was such a reality check, I felt like my life was going be a waste in my small southern town , never happy made me turn my fear into my strength !

Watching the movie is a really strong emotional thing for me, I have friends back home who are also in the same situation but have decided to just live through it! I just prayed they have the strength to do it. Once again I am sorry for always bitching about how being gay sucks!!! But I am not use to the idea yet it’s so hard, I just hope expressing myself in my blogs is helping me out in some way.I feel like my acceptance of myself is like if I were bipolar I can be ok with it but a few seconds later I can hate everything about myself! I wish someone could understand me!

beliefs, convictions, hopes

So I told a really good friend of mine that knows about me, about my blog, and he read it and thinks it’s great the guy is really smart so, i was grateful with what he said about my blog, he also said it be great if I wrote about about my  beliefs, convictions, hopes.

Beliefs
One of the Mormon beliefs is that after Christ died there was an apostasy or falling away from the truth. This truth was fully restored with the organization of the Mormon church,, I believe his my savior and I love god, i call myself the new and improve Mormon. We are a very strict religion, as a young kid until the age of 18 I use to go to church Sundays ‘Wednesday. After 18 we are asked if we want to do missionary work for 2 years. I said no, but have regretted that decision so much, but whenever I am home I try to go out with the missionaries  and help them spread the word, some are actually surprise i didn’t go on a mission because I am really good at it. Now i am also not a perfect Mormon, I cuss like a sailor, I like sex, and I am gay!! But just because I don’t follow every rule doesn’t mean I don’t believe in my religion, I love being a Mormon I grew up in the church and will for always be grateful for that.

Convictions
I have many, I  believe in people's right, gay marriage, animal rights, I hate child abuse.sex abuse anything that harms kids. Very democrat if that helps any explain how I am, drugs? I have actually tried a number of drugs , weed, cocaine,acid,mushrooms, but just because I have tried them doesn’t mean I am a druggie, just something I have always wanted to try!, don’t want to be 89 years old and regret anything, but of course only try the drugs once and with people I  highly trust. I must say drugs are over rated. Drug of choice! Beer!!

Hopes
I hope for many things but as a quote I heard while I was traveling though south America, don’t ever make plans because god will just laugh at you. So I don’t bother making plans, but i do hope , to finish my degree in international business and also have my minor in French and get a job that will let me travel, I love to travel.
I also hope to make enough money in the future so i can help my parents retired early.
 When it comes to love who knows who I will be in love or if I will ever do find true love, I am a masculine guy, but I am true believer in love, and that it exist and that we all have our soul mate somewhere in the world just waiting for us.